Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Foreword

In the spring of 2007, I was one of dozens of commuters who settled
into my subway seat each morning with a copy of the New York Daily
News. as the city rattled around me, I marveled at stories of daring
escaped criminals, foiled terrorist plots, and the science of sudoku.

But on the morning of February 9, 2007, everything in my life, and the
lives of all the people on that subway car, changed.

We were shocked, terrified, angry. How could the story of one of our
greatest American icons be over?

Thankfully, it wasn't. The story would continue for many long months
- not in life, but in afterlife.

Charles McCarthy was a humble writer from Los Angeles. Life hadn't
been easy for him. It had taken many twists and turns, across the
country, and even at times, across the thin blue line of the law. In
that way, perhaps like all of us, McCarthy had something in common
with the heroine of his greatest literary work, "Anna in the
Afterlife."

McCarthy focused his rage, his sympathy, and his frustration into an
epic adventure spanning the American landscape. It was a journey we
have all taken. Every one of us has eaten a hot dog, has visited a
movie studio, has reminded someone's womanhood of what it was to be
alive, even when you are dead.

In the end, was the journey worth it? Did McCarthy help us close the
book on Anna, and in that way, move on the the next chapter of our own
lives?

Some argue that, if anything, he prolonged the pain. The ending to
his masterpiece is anything but clean cut. Are we really like Anna at
all, or is she so far removed from us as to create a void that
approaches infinity? Is the uncertainty that McCarthy dangles in
front of our noses what we we really want to see in the afterlife? Is
it not his responsibility, having opened this can of worms, to give us
closure, satisfaction, a happy ending?

Fortunately, I am of the opinion that it is exactly the opposite that
we need. In this uncertain life, full of danger, terrorism, and
drugs, the cold, hard certainty of death is a burden too great to
bear, especially when it consumes the bright shining star of someone
as beautiful, young, and vibrant as our Anna.

The vision of her quest, its uncertain end, and the joy it brings
along the way gives us all hope.

In that sense, Anna - and her afterlife - have touched us all.

-Edward Jacoby James Mundy
10 July 2007

Monday, July 9, 2007

Anna In The After Life #1: Rules of Phantasmic Orgasms

by
Charles McCarthy

Everything seemed to have a yellow glow to it when Anna opened her eyes.

She looked around and saw all the doctors and nurses rushing around her, and Howard standing talking to one of the doctors.

"Howard? What's goin on?" she said as she sat up and got out of bed, feeling a hundred pounds lighter.

Howard did not respond to her questions, and seemed to be ignoring her as she walked towards him.

"Howard?"

Howard continued to talk to the doctor, and they both continued to point at her empty bed prompting Anna to turn and look to see what they were pointing at.

She was both shocked and awed to find that she was still laying in the bed. This sent her into a panic and she looked around the room franticly. She looked down at her self and realized that she was completely naked, and her body didn't look or feel like her body, not now. Her giant breasts seemed to float instead of sag and her ass was perky again.

"Dang!"

She rushed to a mirror, but there was nothing there. She couldn't see herself in the mirror.

"Am I dead?" she said out loud, while walking slowly towards her bloated corpse.

"No! No! it can't be! Why?"

She tried to grab at Howard, but her hand just went through him.

"No!"

She ran from the room crying, and continued to run down the halls of the hospital.

Finally she stopped and slumped to the floor across from an open hospital room and began to really sob.

Where would she go from here? Why? Was she dead? Why was she dead?

She continued to cry so hard that it hurt. She cried until a familiar voice broke the silence.

"Will you shut the fuck up!"

Anna looked up with a look of surprise on her face, as a naked man with a huge, hard man sword walked out of the open hospital room.

"James? What are you doin here?"

Her long dead husband James looked back at her with the same surprise on his face. He was not the man she remembered of course. He was younger than when she had ever known him, and he seemed taller. Muscles took the place of the flab and wrinkles that she remembered in his stomach and chest, and his hair was much thicker and blacker.

"Oh you are finally here," he said as his anger melted.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you. I was just trying to make it with this stripper and your crying was throwing me off," James said with a smile.

"What?"

He held out his hand, "Here come with me."

She slowly rose and walked with him into the room that he came out of. As they walked James slowly ran his fingers down her back giving her the delicious memories of times past, memories of his fingers running over her skin. She began to grow aroused remembering his tongue...his lips...and his manhood that had never stopped working till the day he left her.

"Look," he said as he pointed at a beautiful young stripper with curly red hair and a luscious body.

Her big breasts rose and fell slowly with her shallow breaths.

"What's wrong with her?"

He pointed at her leg up in a cast, "She fell off the stage and broke her leg."

"Awe, poor thang."

"She'll be fine."

James walked over to the stripper and slowly lifted her hospital gown, revealing her closely shaved fire crotch.

"What are you doin? How did you move her gown?"

"I'm going to make her feel better. Come here."

Anna slowly walked towards James. The sight of his manhood and the memories brought back from his touch had sent tingles of desire to her nether regions.

"Sexual energy is the only connection that we have left with the living world," he said as he stroked his manhood.

Anna looked confused and was confused.

"I don't get it."

"You will."

James reached out and began to run his hand over her ample breasts sending tingles of delight all over her body, telling her to move closer.

She moved closer to him and reached down and took ahold of his hard flesh rocket, and as she did this, the tingle in her nether region grew even stronger. She had had this feeling before, but nothing like this.

James looked her in the eyes as he spoke, "Do you feel it?"

"Yes."

"Now take that and use it," he said as he guided her other hand to the stripper's quivering strawberry pubic mound.

She could feel the skin under her finger tips. She could feel it growing moist. She could feel the tingle growing stronger and stronger. The feeling was so strong, and James made it stronger by beginning to run his hand between her thighs.

The stripper began to moan and writhe slowly in the bed.

"Kiss her. Make her feel really good."

Anna bent over and began to kiss the stripper between the legs softly and wetly feeling the pleasure of giving pleasure until suddenly her body exploded with the pleasure that only a man could give, as James entered her from behind and reminded her womanhood what it was to be alive, even when you are dead.

"Oh James! It feels so good," she mumbled with her mouth full.

The sensations were so familiar, but different. She couldn't last very long bent over this hospital bed with sensational, electrical, tingles dancing over her skin and through her body.

Suddenly the stripper let out a moan, and as if on command Anna too let out an orgasmic moan as her body shook with ecstasy.

James too shuddered and thrust deep inside her.

The tingle in her nether region had grown into a burning star of sensation that exploded in an orgasmic supernova.

"DANG! Ahhhh!"

The shock wave of her orgasm ripped through the hospital room cracking all the windows and mirrors and waking the stripper.

The stripper sat up and looked around the room before saying to herself, "Dang!"

Anna In The After Life #2: Death Takes On A Whole New Meaning

by
Charles McCarthy

Anna and James walked along the hospital hallway in silent bliss, reliving their recent orgasmic experience.

"What happened back there?" she asked with a giggle.

"You," he said looking her over, "your sexual energy is very, very strong. You have to learn to control it better."

Anna looked down at her body, still glowing from their encounter with that gorgeous redhead.

"Shit! I can't do nothin right."

"Anna, it's not wrong. You have a power. You are special. You just need to learn how to control it."

They were slowly approaching the doors of the hospital where the natural light from outside was beginning to mingle with the institutional fluorescent lights of the hospital.

"Can you teach me?" she asked slowly laying her head on James's shoulder.

"No, you are too powerful. You must seek the master."

Anna giggled playfully, "The master?"

"Yes."

They stepped through the hospital doors and into the sun, but it wasn't the sun that made Anna cover her face. Hundreds of paparazzi and reporters huddled in the parking lot. Out of instinct, Anna prepared to fend them off and run away.

James stroked her head and whispered, "It will be okay. Remember. They can't see you."

But across the parking lot one reporter did turn and squint, trying to make them out in the bright Florida sun as Anna lifted her head to see the lack of reaction from the reporters.

"But look," she said pointing to Joan Rivers speed walking across the parking lot alone.

She reached them panting heavily and holding her side.

"Gawd, you would think that Oil of Olay would steal some of this fucking moisture from Florida and use it in some lotion. Is it humid or what?"

Anna and James stood shocked. She was obviously talking to them. There was no one else around that she could be talking to.

"Anna, first let me say, you look won-der-ful! I can't say you have ever looked this good. No, really, I can't. It's a legal thing," she said in one long breath, pausing only to fix her hair, "I don't want to get into it, but how do you feel? How do you feel?"

"I, I feel great, but I...I'm dead. You shouldn't be seein me."

James added, "Are you dead?"

"Hon, let me tell you. I've been seeing dead people for years. Between the botox, the illegal European blend of toxins that I get pumped into my skin, the plastic bits and pieces in my ass and tits, and my lack of compassion and humanity, I said sionara to being a real, live person a long time ago. Don't tell "E!" though. It might nullify some of my contracts," Joan monologued, choking out the last few words.

Anna reached out and touched Joan's face. Her hand didn't pass threw it.

"Weird," Anna exclaimed, continuing to play with Joan's face like silly puddy.

Ignoring Anna's touch, Joan asked, "Any idea who killed you babe?"

Anna stopped playing with her face and looked shocked.

"Someone killed me?"

"Joan, I think we need to get going," James said, trying to politely end the conversation.

"Someone killed me? I don't understand."

"You bet your life or your death, the way it is now, someone killed you and killed you good," Joan blurted out, as James lead Anna away.

"What's she talkin about?"

"I'm not quite sure," James said, looking over his shoulder, "but if you were killed, and you are going to do anything about it, you need to find the Master first and learn how to control your powers. You will never get anything done on your own without them."

"Aren't you comin with me?" she asked sadly.

James looked around and back at the hospital before replying, "My place is here. I'm sorry."

"Where is the master?"

"Van Nuys or Chatsworth."

"Cali-forni-uh? Los Angeles?"

"Yes. You have had more "True Hollywood Stories" than anyone alive or dead, so you should have no problem finding friends to help you on your way. Now go."

James placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and ran his hand slowly over her breasts before turning and walking back towards the hospital.

Anna In The After Life #3: On The Road With Jack-Car-O-Whack

by
Charles McCarthy

Anna walked along for a while thinking about her life, remembering the good times and the bad. She thought about her days as a child, her days dancing, modeling. She thought about her son and daughter and became sad. What would happen to Danielynn? Where was Daniel and was he doing okay being dead too? She almost turned around to try to find Danielynn, to find her and make sure she was okay, but she kept walking. Howard would take good care of her, and besides, she couldn't do anything without being able to control her powers anyway.

"Dang. How am I gonna get to Cali-forni-UH anyway? I can't walk all that way. Wish I could fly like that Casper," she said out loud to no one in particular.

She wondered if now that she was a ghost, Redbull really would give her wings. No. That's just silly talk.

At that moment an old Lincoln pulled up to a red light at the intersection she was walking through, and she looked inside. There, inside, in the passenger seat, was a naked man with his hair neatly slicked and parted, and a young dude in a white t-shirt and jeans with his hair done the same way was driving.

"Hey! You ain't got no clothes on!" she shouted, forgetting that no one could hear her.

She felt really dumb for a second when she remembered that no one could hear her, but in that same moment, the naked man in the car looked over at her.

"Pussy cat, you don't have much room to talk the way you walk the walk," he chanted in a rhythmic and poetic way.

"Hey."

"Why don't you hop in and ride the ride with me, and see what you can see with me?"

"You talk funny...I like it," she said as she jumped through the window into the back seat of the car, having a hard time getting her hips and ass in.

"No one could ever accuse you of not being hip my little pussy cat," he chanted as the light turned green and the car accelerated with Anna still hanging out of the window.

She flopped all the way into the car and looked around, as the Naked man climbed into the back with her.

"Do you mind if I touch your skin?" he asked, continuing, "I don't know if I know where to begin," he said while eyeing her giant breasts.

"I guess," she giggled back running her eyes over his body.

His man sword was more of a man dagger, but as his lithe hands began to flow over her body she felt as if she was being played like some sort of complicated instrument of pleasure.

"Does that feel good and fine and right?" he asked as his hand found it's way into here secret garden, her secret rain forest of love.

"It feels great," she moaned in pleasure, but suddenly she remembered herself, and her need to find the master, her need to get to California and so she stopped him, "but stop. Where are we going?"

"Steve here is on his way to California to find the way to be in and one with the west, to chase the setting sun."

"Steve?"

He pointed at the guy driving.

"Oh, well, in that case," she ended her sentence by reaching over and beginning to stroke his poetic license.

His hands continued to play her body, to find new notes to strike, to find new ways to strike a chord with her womanly pleasure, and then he began to suckle at her ample breasts.

"What's your name?"

"Jack," he said as he entered her with his fingers, and began to really drive her crazy.

"Yur drivin me crazy," Anna moaned in automotive ecstasy.

"I'm not driving you anywhere, but leading. Steve is the one driving," he said prophetically.

At that moment, the car pulled onto the highway and headed down a long stretch of desolate Florida asphalt, and as if on cue, or if he knew what was going on in the back seat, Steve reached down, unzipped his pants, releasing his sensual summer sausage, and began to stroke it to life causing Anna to quiver with hunger.

Anna looked to Jack and questioned,"If Steve is drivin, can I ride what he is drivin?"

"I would if I could give you what's under his hood, but if I can taste your sweet lips, I will not be thirsty," he said knowingly.

Anna climbed over the seat and began to try to focus the tingle in between her legs, the energy, the sexual desire. She didn't have to try very hard as she sunk slowly down onto Steve's masterful manhood with a moan of ecstasy.

"Ahhh, fuck," Steve let out with a look of confused ecstasy.

As she began to bounce up and down as if she was riding a horse and not an old V-8, Jack moved up and balanced between the seats and offered up his rock hard man dagger to occupy even more of her energy.

Steve's face contorted in confused and ignorant pleasure as Anna surrounded him with her power.

Jack's hands continued to work their magic, and between them and Steve's manhood, there wasn't very much that could stop or wanted to stop the gigantic orgastic explosion of sexual energy that was about to happen.

Anna moaned and joyfully accepted everything that Jack had to give her as his body shuddered in a happy ending to his poem, to the song he was playing on her body.

Anna soon followed this act with an explosion of her own, sending another shock wave of orgastic sexual energy out into the world as her ghostly body shook with pleasure and not only unlocked Steve's hot flow of pleasure lava, causing him to send the car flying off the road, but turned on the car radio which blared the song "Sexual Healing" with no indiscretion.

"Wow. I never thought death would be this good. I wonder if the Master'll really be able to teach me anything by the time I find him," she glowed.

"Heavy. The Master will be happy to try."

"You know him?" she asked.

"Of course. Who doesn't?"

"I don't," she replied.

"Well you will soon enough."

Steve got control of himself, and after cleaning himself up a little, got the car back on the road and heading into the setting sun.

Anna In The After Life #4: A Big Hard Lesson in the Big Easy

by
Charles McCarthy

The road ahead became the road behind as the white trash Florida inland swamps gave way to southern Alabama and beyond all the while seeing Steve muttering to himself, trying to come to terms with his paranormal sexual experience.

Anna and Jack lounged in the back seat watching the countryside slide by. Anna daydreamed about monkeys and all the amazing things they could do these days, forgetting about her troubles and her quest to find her own murderer, for a little while at least.

The hours past, and they soon found themselves entering the dirty streets of a city that no amount of rain or flood could wash clean, New Orleans. Steve seemed to know the city well and drove for the French Quarter like an iron filing drawn to a magnet, parking the car and heading into a bar famous for its hand grenades, hurricanes, and herpes, The Scarlet Pimp 'r' Nail.

"Where's he goin?" Anna asked.

"I think you shook him up like the drinks of the gods on the edge of the world of reason. I think you shook him up like an earthquake of the soul and the soul of the shoe of our earth is you," Jack replied, making no sense to Anna.

"I gotta go. I need to figure out who killed me, an you aren't helpin."

"Fair is fair and far away in this realm with fate at the helm," Jack answered back.

Anna got out of the car. She walked off down the streets of the French Quarter feeling a sense of power, feeling the tingling in her belly grow for no reason that she could figure. She ran her hands over the bricks of the buildings she passed, and the feeling became stronger. It was as if this whole area was drenched in sexual energy.

"Wooooohooo!"

Anna turned to the sound of the redneck mating call just in time to see a middle aged, overweight woman with blonde-orange hair and jet black roots in a "Big Johnson" t-shirt lifting her shirt to show off her flap-jack breasts to a group of teenage boys.

"The Big Easy, that's what they call it," came a whisper in her ear.

Anna turned around quickly to find a tall black man. He was muscular but stringy and his lack of clothes and giant chocolatey po' boy, told Anna right way that he was a ghost too, or he was a crazy person, and he wasn't actually talking to her.

"Yeah?" she responded, hoping that he would be able to hear her, and that he wasn't just a crazy person.

"The Big Easy, that's what it is. That's why they call it that," he responded.

"Oh yeah? Whatta they call you The Big Hard?"

He laughed deeply and ran his hand over her shoulder.

"There would be no subtlety in that name would there be?" he laughed.

"Hell no!"

As if in a trance, Anna fell to her knees, grabbed his fleshy night stick, and began to kiss and lick it like a giant candy bar. She worked her way up and down its length until his "old faithful" was faithful, and he lifted her to her feet drenched in his milk and honey.

"Thank you ever so much my little flower."

"I couldn't help myself," she replied.

"I know. Your energy is very strong. What brings you here."

"I'm tryin to get to Cali-forni-uh to find the Master, so he can teach me about my powers, so I can find out who killed me, cause I was killed."

"Fair enough," he laughed, "Have you learned how to fly yet?"

"No! Dang, I was wishin I could fly just a little while ago."

"You have all you need right now. First, you must drench yourself in a man's manly liquids. Second, you must think sexy thoughts. Third, you must say 'I can fly' four times," he told her patiently.

"Dang. That's all?"

"Yes."

"I can fly. I can fly. I can Fly. I CAN FLY!" Anna exclaimed as her feet left the ground and she began to float up and over the buildings.

"Good luck!" he shouted from below.

"Wooooohooo!" Anna screamed as she soared over the city, turning and heading for the setting sun, "Cali-forni-uh here I come!"

Anna In The After Life #5: Flying High To The Stars

by
Charles McCarthy

Anna soared above the ground giggling as people and horses and other things flew by below her. She had always wondered what it would be like to be able to fly like that guy in Greatest American Hero, and now she knew. The air felt delicious as it rushed over her body, bringing back the tingling sensation and making her fly higher. She would be in Cali-forni-uh in no time at all.

She was very high above the ground now, and she could hardly see anything at all with all the clouds and all. She could be anywhere. She might even be over Texas. She remembered James.

Wait! How would she know when she was above Cali-forni-uh? She might over shoot it and wind up in Japan or even farther away, Oregon.

Then an even greater fear struck her. How was she supposed to get down? The big black stranger had taught her how to fly, but he hadn't told her how not to fly. How was she supposed to get down?

"What'm I supposed to do now?" she said out loud, "Maybe I can just say I don't want to fly."

As soon as these words came from her mouth, she began to plummet towards the earth.

"Dang! That worked!" Anna shouted to no one in particular, as she fell to earth like a stone.

Luckily she had made it to LA, and more importantly, to Hollywood. The ground rushed up at her and she saw stars.

"Dang!"

Again, luck was with her, and hitting the ground didn't hurt at all. She fell on her butt and bounced once before coming to a full stop and looking around. Cars crept by her slower than the few dirty bums, hipsters, and Scientologists that were walking by on the sidewalk.

Anna stood up and looked down. She saw that she was standing on a star. Then a giggle came from behind her. She turned to look and couldn't hardly believe her eyes.

Anna In The After Life #6: Balls Are A Girls Best Friend But Fists Are Fun Too

by
Charles McCarthy

Anna turned to find the source of the giggling. What she found blew her mind. She could hardly believe her eyes, but there before her, in all her naked splendor, was Marilyn Monroe tapping her foot.

"What do you think you're doing standing on my star?" Marilyn giggled bitchily, "You don't have one of your own?"

"Uhhh," Anna replied gracefully.

"Well?"

Anna looked down to find that she was, in fact, standing on Marilyn Monroe's star, and so she quickly sidestepped, almost tripping over her own feet. Then she looked quickly up at Marilyn, seeking her approval. What she found was Marilyn giggling and laughing even more than before.

Marilyn laughed and with a smile comforted Anna, "I was just joshing ya silly. I'm not a witch like that."

"Oh! Thank gawd. You are my idol. I love you so much, more better than any other star ever," she blurted out excitedly, "I've seen all your movie a gabillion times. Don't tell anyone, but I even bought a pair of your old panties off of Ebay."

"I know silly. I'm a fan of you too. I even came to see you once," Marilyn bubbled, stepping closer and running a finger slowly down Anna's nose, "I even gave you some kisses, though I quite think that you thought that I was a man."

Anna stood awestruck, and began to really look at Marilyn's perfectly proportioned, fleshy, and curvy body. Her hair was perfectly done, and from where she was standing, Anna could tell that Marilyn was enjoying the air vent she was standing on, just as much as she would have with panties and a dress on.

"I, I don't know what to say. That was you? You're the ghost I had sex with? Dang," she said, looking Marilyn up and down, "I did think you was a man."

"I know. You kept saying, 'Give it to me you big stud man! Man Stud give it to me you dude!' It was funny," Marilyn bubbled out, trying to imitate Anna's southern twang, "I couldn't stop laughing, because it was all me."

Marilyn held up her hand and made it into a fist.

"Dang!" Anna moaned, as Marilyn stepped closer and started to rub her ample breasts against her own.

Quickly they were on the ground tangled up like blonde, naked, siamese twin joined at the groin. People walked by, over, and through them as they came together in ecstasy, feeling the heat and power of each other's super sexual energy. Marilyn kissed Anna's foot, and Anna responded by taking all of Marilyn's petite foot in her mouth and sucking on it like a chicken bone. Men and women passing through the erotic force field that they created let out unexpected and unexplainable moans of pleasure.

"Mmmmm."

"Yeah."

"Tee-hee!"

They rolled over and onto a homeless man, interrupting his newspaper ca-coon slumber and replacing it with dreams of a double headed snake, and a nocturnal release that was so powerful that it should have had nocturnal release forms signed prior to happening.

Anna moaned, "I never felt this good!"

"Me either," Marilyn giggled back, as she flipped around and got on her knees in front of Anna's walk of fame.

They went on for hours and hours until they were both completely exhausted, satisfied, and had broken several windows, and caused more than a few bicycle accidents.

"Dang, that felt good," Anna whined in postmortem-paranormal-coital bliss.

"Me too. Poo poopie do."

"I wish I didn't have to go find this Master guy and then go find my killer," Anna whined again.

Marilyn began to tickle Anna and coax her, "You know you need to. I know you do too, and guess what silly billy."

"What?"

"I know where the Master is right now," she giggled, kissing Anna on the cheek.

"Oh thank gawd!" Anna responded with a laugh, "I didn't know how I was goin to find him lookin all over Cali-forni-uh for him and such. Who the heck is he anyway?"

"Well..."

Anna In The After Life #7: Love By Cyclist

by
Charles McCarthy

Marilyn twirled her hair and started again, "Well...you probably wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Yes I would." Anna pouted back.

"People told me, and I didn't believe it," Marilyn cooed soothingly, "It's best that you see him and understand yourself.

"Just cause you said so I believe you," Anna responded, crossing her arms, "but I still don't like it."

"You'll understand after."

Anna looked around. The sun was slowly setting in the West, throwing long dark shadows down Hollywood Blvd. and bathing every dirty inch of the street in it's deep orange light.

"Dang. This looks just like Pearl Harbor," Anna gawked looking into the sun and shading her eyes, "So where is the Master anyway?"

"He's in Venice. He is always in Venice to see the sun set," Marilyn told her dreamily, "He will be there until 'the last blades of light cease to cut away the dark,' at least that's what he told me one time," she finished giggling.

"Well, I better fly on over there. I can fly. I can fly. I can fly!"

Nothing happened.

"Damn it! What's wrong now?" she pouted, looking to a laughing Marilyn for help.

"Silly! You have to bathe in man power before you can fly," she laughed, "You're going to have to walk or take the bus or a horse or something."

"Oh well, I guess I'll start walking," she said, hugging Marilyn one last time, feeling her soft white skin against hers and almost not wanting to go, but she had to go.

Anna walked off down the street into the sunset, leaving Marilyn behind. She walked along, walking past cars slowly inching along the street.

"Well, I guess I ain't takin a car or bus. Dang," she said out loud to herself, "How am I goin to get there? I need a bike or a horse or somethin to ride."

Just as she said this, her good luck kept up, and Orville Wright came riding along on a bicycle, his mustache blowing gloriously in the wind along with the rest of his naked body. Of course the only Orville Anna knew about made popcorn.

"I say! Did someone say that they needed a mustache ride?" he shouted, skidding to a halt next to her.

"Dang, everyone's so nice when they're dead," she exclaimed, "Wait a second! Did you say mustache ride? I need a bike ride!"

"How about both lassie?"

"Who you callin Lassie? You think I look like a dog?" she pouted, feelings hurt.

"Oh no miss. On the contrary, if you were to be compared to any animal, it would be fine mare or some sort of gazelle prancing over the African prairies in all it's sleek beauty," he professed eloquently, "for you are beauty in motion."

Anna looked at him for a long time with her mouth hanging slightly ajar before responding, "So can I have a ride or not?"

"Why certainly," he adjusted his thick man-spoke as he spoke, "As long as you don't mind riding my banana..."

She cut him off, "Shoot! I had a banana bike when I was a kid. I could do wheelies," she stopped, realizing that he wasn't talking about his bike, and started again, "I mean, sure, I ain't never done that on a bike before, not the kind you peddle."

"Grand!" he said with a smile, "Hop on!"

"You think we can make it to Venice before the sun sets?"

"We shall try our best!"

Anna straddled the bike in front of Orville and felt the tingling in her stomach grow as his hands found their way around her. He guided her feet to the peddles, and guided his pistol slowly between her pedals (for you botanists out there), and with a push, they were off!

Anna peddled like she had never peddled before. She wanted to finally find this Master guy, and tingling balls of ecstasy bounced through her body with each stroke of her foot. For with each rotation of the gears, she found herself bouncing up and down on his crank shaft.

The bike was going faster and faster, and Orville was having trouble guiding it. They sliced through Hollywood, and were soon on Santa Monica BLVD. They moved and grinded like gears in a perpetual ecstasy machine. His man piston pumped in and out of her fueled by the fires of her inner desires and peddling. The wind whipped through their hair and wrapped around their naked bodies as they flew down the street on an orgasmic, two wheeled, roller coaster.

"Oh My!"

Suddenly something went wrong!

Anna In The After Life #8: Shaken Up And Down

by
Charles McCarthy

Orville slammed on his breaks and sent Anna flying off of the bike, over the handle bars, and into a Hollywood Fantasy Tours tour bus full of people. Her sexual energy was still very, very strong, so she gave each person on the bus that she passed through an intense orgasm, ending with Bruce the bus driver.

"That's a deep propERTEEEEE OH YEAH! Give it to me daddy!" he exclaimed in ecstasy over the bus's speakers, as Anna landed head first in his lap.

"What the fuck?" Anna exclaimed out loud, getting up and jumping off the bus.

She looked around for Orville, and found him peddling off in the opposite direction as fast as he could.

"Where'r You GOIN?" she shouted.

Orville didn't reply and kept peddling as fast as he could. He seemed scared. This prompted Anna to look around. She looked, and she looked, but she didn't see anything scary or bad.

"Dang! I'm gonna miss the Master."

"The Master can't help you now," came a voice behind her.

Anna turned to find a shriveled up little woman with dark black hair. Her pigish little nose warbled when she spoke as if she was using every muscle possible in her face when she spoke. She covered her shriveled little breasts and her womanhood with her hands.

"What do you mean, hu? Why not?" Anna asked, upset.

"For thou art an abomination that I shalt striked down!"

"Striked wha?" Anna responded, more confused than usual.

The woman ran at her, keeping her hands over her breasts and womanhood. Anna dodged to the left, but the woman caught her arm with her shoulder, causing Anna to scream out in pain, as she turned to face the woman again.

"Who are you? Why are you trying to hurt me?" she quivered, pain in her voice.

"I am Anna Lee Walker! The founder of the Shaker religion!" she answered with great authority, "and ye art an abomination!"

"Okay...What's a Shaker?" Anna asked, still confused.

Growing angrier, Anna Lee replied very curtly, "A religion that I founded!"

"So?" Anna asked again.

"Sex is evil! EVIL!" Anna Lee croaked out at the top of her lungs, while running at Anna as fast as she could, "I shall destroy ye!"

"Dang!" Anna screamed as she dodged her and ran off down the street away from her shriveled body as fast as she could.

Cars flew by as Anna ran down the middle of Santa Monica BLVD. as fast as she could with Anna Lee right behind her. Her breasts bounced madly as she ran, and the only thing keeping her ahead was the fact that Anna Lee kept her hands over her breasts and wilted flower the whole time, slowing her.

"Get away! I didn't do nothin to you!" Anna shouted.

"Thou art sex and carnal erotica incarnate," Anna Lee preached, "Ye shall be destroyed!"

"But I'm already dead!" Anna shouted back, and then seeing some other ghosts, she started to scream, "Help! Help Me! This crazy Shakin lady's after me!

The others heard her, but instead of coming to her aid, they all ran off as fast as they could from the shriveled little woman.

"There is no one to help thou!"

Anna ran faster, and then the unthinkable happened. She tripped over her own foot.

Anna In The After Life #9: A Helping Hand

by
Charles McCarthy

As Anna flew through the air, time seemed to slow down. She could see the ground rushing towards her, and she was sure that, that evil lady was going to catch her and hurt her. She let out a scream of fear.

"HELP!" she screamed as she fell.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a hand reached out and caught her hand and pulled her up and onto the back of a speeding truck.

She looked back to see Anna Lee shaking her fist violently, so violently that her whole body shook.

"Dang! I guess that's why they call them Shakers."

Turning to see who her savior was, she found herself looking into the face of an angel, her son Daniel. She reached out and grabbed him and hugged him tight.

"Danny! You saved my life!" she cried with joy, shoving his head into her breasts, "What are you doin here? You saved my life!"

Finally she let Danny free from her embrace.

"What am I doin here? What are you doin here mom?" he said with a smile, "I thought you were doin so well. How did you die?"

"I don't know. I'm questin to find my killer right now," she replied excitedly, "Oh! Maybe I'll try to find your killer too."

"Mom...you killed me."

"Dang? I did? Wha?" she questioned with her head swimming in confusion, "I killed you? Why? Wha?"

"Yeah mom. Remember the aspirin you gave me when I got to the hospital? Yeah, well it was actually methadone," he explained, "It interacted with a bunch of other stuff and killed me."

Anna grew sad. She had killed her son. She was the worst mother in the world. How could she go on.

"I killed you? I'm a terrible mother," she cried, "You should have left me back there.

"Hey, it's okay," he said, hugging her, "Dude, life when you're dead rules! I'm so much happier now. I was just on my way to a rave at River Phoenix's house."

Anna held his shoulders and took a good look at him. He had never looked better. He was happy.

"As long as you're happy."

"I am," Danny responded seriously, and then asked, "Where are you going? You can come too if you want."

"I'm tryin to get to Venice before the sun sets, so as I can find the Master. People keep tellin me that my powers are too strong, an he has to teach me," she explained, continuing, "I have to be able to use my powers, so I can find my killer."

"You'll like the Master," he said, looking around, "You better jump off here. Venice is that way."

Anna looked in the direction he was pointing, and then without thinking she jumped off of the truck. She rolled to a stop on the ground and got up.

"I'll see you later. I love you Danny, my baby Danny!" she shouted to the truck, as it sped away.

Dusting herself off, she started to walk along the road into the setting sun.

Anna In The After Life #10: Going Down On The Boardwalk

by
Charles McCarthy

Anna walked quickly along the street, looking out at the beach and the sun settling into it's watery cradle for another night. The smell of the salty sea air embraced her nostrils and she felt truly calm for the first time since her death. Moreover, she could see the Venice beach pier coming up not to far in the distance, so she was sure she would make it before the Master left. She would finally find the Master.

She stepped onto the pier and started to walk out towards the end. Tourists, exercise fanatics, and weirdos swam around her in a sea of humanity. With every step she could feel the Master's presence growing stronger, and she could understand why no one had wanted to try to explain his power. It shot through her like little lightening bolts and a sense of satisfaction wrapped up in a snickers bar.

Finally, she saw him, and she knew it was him. He radiated a visible light of energy from his olive skin to his long and very curly black hair. As he turned and looked at her, he looked into her. He saw through her and into every bit of her being. He engulfed her supple body, her giant heaving breasts and womanhood, and her soul with his gaze.

The light in his eyes seemed to be even stronger and more powerful than the light he radiated, yet it wasn't blinding, she was able to look straight into his eyes. His body was boney, strong, lean, and sinewy as if someone had carved him out of wood and wrapped him in leather chords, and yet it was somehow soft and inviting. Somehow even the giant calluses on his hands seemed soft.

"You have come," he spoke gently, "I have been waiting."

Every word he spoke seemed to find its way deep into her heart, her soul, and her womanhood.

"Uh-hu. Are you the Master?" she asked, knowing the answer.

"Yes Anna."

"How, how did you know my name?" she asked in wonder.

"I know all of your names Vickie. I even know your stripper names, Misstickle, Tiff Anny, Cheetarah...Should I go on?" he patiently listed.

"Wow. Dang, I don't remember all them."

A slight breeze swept across the pier and tickled her already aroused skin, and for the first time she looked down and saw the Master's circumcised man sword. It was splendid and glowed with a power of it's own.

"What's yur name?" she asked with the answer in her heart.

"I think you know, for my name is known around the world. I preached love to all when I walked among the living. My song was a song of love for all, for the meek, the sick, the poor, and the trodden down masses."

"JESUS CHRIST! Yur Burt Bacharach?" she exclaimed with a look of total confusion on her face.

"Yes and no. I am pretty sure that he is still in the land of the living," he told her calmly and with love, "But my name matters little. You have come here to learn and I have been called the greatest teacher. I will teach you."

"Wait. So what's yur name? Why won't no one tell me? Dang it!"

"I have many names. I am the Christ, the Teacher, the son of god, Jesus of Nazareth."

She stared at him for a long time without responding, and then she spoke slowly, "Yur Jesus? What happened to yur hair?"

After many hours of explaining many things to her the Master showed Anna the light of his love, and then he showed it to her again and again and again. The boardwalk and the pier shook with their lovemaking. In every position, in every place possible in the general Venice beach area, they made love. He taught her to focus her powers and to call upon them at anytime. He showed her that self love is the first love, and how to touch herself inside and out using her desires and energy to touch the world and move it in mysterious ways. His man energy filled her and mixed with her already powerful sexuality.

Through his teachings she understood many things. She still wasn't exactly sure who the Master was, but he taught her how to move the minds and bodies of men and women in the physical world with the ease of a sneeze, but with all it's power.

One day he held her in his arms after giving her the light of his word and the light of his fleshy man sacrament, and looking into her eyes he said, "You are ready Anna. It is time for you to go out into the world. It is time for you to continue on your journey, to spread my teachings, and to find your killer. You have the power now to change the world. You have the power that is in all people, but now you know how to use it."

"Will I ever see you again?" she asked, her body quivering from his last lesson, and the sadness that came with thinking of leaving him.

"Yes. You will see me in every face of every person you love. You will find me in every beauty. And, if you need to feel me, you know where I live, Venice Beach. I love you Anna," he wove his words into her heart, head, and soul, "Now go."

Anna stood and slowly walked away from his light, the light that she would always feel the heat of no matter how far she walked from him. She looked back, and he was gone.

A car horn honked, and she turned to see what was going on, and a familiar voice called out to her, "Hey pussycat! How about a ride, a glide, a slide across the country again in another direction, another circle in the turning wheel of life?"

She saw Jack hanging out the window of a beat up red El Camino driven by a punk rock chick with a bright red mohawk. He was beating out a rhythm on the top of the car with his hands as he shouted.

"You know anything about findin a killer?" she shouted back.

"All I know about is the mind killer of inaction, the muddled blackness that tries to shade the imagination with every drop of time you loose forgetting that you can think."

"Uhhhh...well, I guess that's...Okay!" she said, running and jumping into the back of the El Camino that had already started to move.

A feeling of excitement and energy rushed through her. She hadn't been in the back of an El Camino since the last time she was in Panama City. Her woman energy tingled with the memories it brought back, and she stood and shouted as they drove off down the road.

"Whhhhoooooo Hoooooo! I'm gonna find my killer!" she shouted, mixing the redneck mating call with a declaration of purpose, her breasts swaying in the wind as she shook her body, arms reaching into the heavens above.

Anna In The After Life #11: Tea Cup Ride

by
Charles McCarthy

The days flew by along with the highway as Anna showed Jack her newly sharpened powers, almost washing him away with waves of pleasure breaking impossibly over and over again on an orgastic river of sensations. In between showering his man cactus in her spring showers of pleasure and practicing her grasp on the corporeal world by giving their punk driver, Margaret, the ride of her life, she told him of the things that had happened to her since their last meeting. She told him about the shakey lady, seeing her son Danny, and her time with the Master. And, she tried to get Jack to help her find her killer, but he was more interested in Mexican girls and trying to feel the rhythm of the road.

On the third or fourth day she looked out the window to the sight of the beach.

"This looks like Cali-forni-uh!" she exclaimed.

"It is baby doll. It is. This is the mighty ocean with its waves of wisdom that have lapped at the shores of this country, of this continent, of this earth for thousands of years."

"Uh, yeah, so we're back in Cali-forni-uh? Dang, why?" she asked with a confused look on her face.

"Margaret there, here, in here, in this car, was just driving so far to make a drop of tea in the big tea cup called Utah." he rambled off in his usual rhythmic way.

"Tea? What?" she said, even more confused than before.

"Yeah, pussy cat, she made a quick ten grand, and now she can just coast here on the west coast." he replied.

"Ten grand? Dang, that must have been some good tea," she pondered, "Well, I guess this is where I need to be. Maybe that Joan Rivers can help me find out what killed me."

Quickly, Anna hopped into the front seat and sat on Margaret's lap and began to rub her lovely lady hump against her. The power of her sexual desire started to grow with the ghostly friction between the world of the living and the dead. She gently ran her hands over Margaret's hands, and started to guide them. Catching more flies with honey than vinegar, she shot streams of pleasure into Margaret's lady driver, and soon the car was moving at her command. The only problem now was the fact that Anna had no idea where Joan Rivers lived.

Anna drove for a moment, not sure what to do.

"EEEE!" she exclaimed, having the thought of her life, "I'll go to E!. I bet someone there knows where she lives, or I'll just wait around for awards season."

"Donkey!" Jake shouted from the back seat.

"Whaaa?"

"Oh I thought we were playing a game."

Anna giggled and took her eyes off the road for a second, but a second was all it took!

Anna In The After Life #12: Navy Seals The Deal

by
Charles McCarthy

The car flew off the road and down a steep hill, knocking over small bushes and crashing through a fence before landing in a swimming pool with a crash. The swimming pool was in the back yard of a very nice house, and as they sank a little deeper into the pool, Anna could see the owner rushing out of the house wearing boxers, a button up shirt, and an angry and confused look on his face.

Margaret was frozen for a moment, her fingers welded to the wheel with fear, until suddenly she started to scream and thrash and try to free herself from the car, which was quickly filling with water now.

Jack and Anna floated out of the car with ease, followed shortly by a thrashing, wet Margaret. Her mohawk was a wet, stringy mess now.

"This is not going to look good or be good of good or towards good on her, for her driving record," Jack rambled.

The owner of the house started shouting at Margaret, "What the fuck do you think you are doing? Why? Hu? Why? Am I on fucking Punked?"

It took Anna a second to recognize the owner of the house, but once she did, she thought she could make things right. When she saw him looking at Margaret's supple breasts heaving under her now wet t-shirt, she knew she could.

"I think I can help!" she exclaimed to Jack, "Now is the real one test. I got to use my pooooowers! Help if you can Jack."

"I...I," Margaret tried to answer, still dumbfounded by the whole situation, "You're Charlie Sheen?"

"So, you just smashed my fence and now your crappy car is in my pool, sinking," he fired back,"Are you going to pay for this?"

Anna quickly moved to Charlie Sheen's side and started to build her sexual energy ball. She began to move her hand over his man-sheen and sent bolts of tingling pleasure into his hooker stick. Suddenly, her work was rewarded as he grew hard almost instantly.

He looked down, not quite understanding what was going on, but when he looked up and saw Margaret in the pool, he didn't care. With frog-like dexterity, he hopped into the pool with Margaret, and Jack, who was now working his own powers as best he could on Margaret, who seemed to be responding.

"You look cold," Charlie said as he reached out and touched her quivering arm.

"Actually, I'm hot," she replied, slowly taking her shirt off to reveal her perfect breasts accented by a Joe Strummer tattoo.

"Me too," responded Charlie, ripping his shirt off and moving closer to Margaret, "Maybe we can blow on each other and cool each other off."

Anna now stood inside of Margaret, controlling her every move.

"Dang! Hell yeah!" Margaret exclaimed with a confused look on her face, not understanding these words coming out of her mouth, and as she reached her hand out for his hard, wet, man-sheen, she added, "I loved you in Lucas."

"Thanks babe," he responded, removing her pants.

"Dang! I loved you in Hot Shots," Anna made Margaret add.

"Thanks babe," he answered again sliding his and between her legs.

Anna started to quiver as she felt what Margaret felt. The feelings of the flesh were different, and feeling feelings of pleasure through a different woman's womanhood sent new spikes of pleasure into Anna's own womanhood. She had to hold back to keep from erupting, and it didn't help that Jack was behind her now slowly running his hands over her buttocks, and sliding his fingers in with Charlie's now exploring digits.

"Ahhh! That feels so good," Margaret moaned in ecstasy, feeling her whole body being attacked by pleasure, every woman-cave being explored by ghostly and corporeal spelunking fingers.

Suddenly Charlie grabbed Margaret and hoisted her up onto the car hood, which had now stopped sinking. He spread her legs, and after pausing to read the words, 'The Gates Of Hell,' which were tattooed on Margaret's inner thighs in Papyrus font, he began to feast on her wet lady-buffet, sucking, licking, and nibbling ferociously like a hungry wolverine.

Both Anna and Margaret moaned at the same time creating a deep and demonic sound that made Charlie hesitate for a moment.

"Sorry, burp, you know. Why don't you come up here?" Anna made Margaret explain away.

Charlie climbed up on the bumper of the car, presenting his water drenched manhood to her, and saying, "Alright, if you insist."

Margaret began to devour him, now needing no coaxing from Anna, so Anna stepped out of her for a moment and sunk down to taste Jack's still submerged, ghost submarine. He was now busily continuing to pleasure Margaret with his paranormal panderings to her pudding bowl of womanness.

Anna was not at it long before she freed the sub's phantasmic sea men, and she was ready to feel some of Charlie Sheen's loaded weapon, so she made her way back up and into Margaret who had already exploded once from the pleasure that Jack was giving her. Now Anna was ready for some.

"Why don't we go inside and get out of these wet clothes," she said through Margaret.

"Oh yeah?" Charlie laughed at the joke, "Maybe we can get into something else wet," he continued, helping Margaret out of the pool and walking her inside with Anna and Jack following them.

None of them could have ever imagined what they found as they walked through the door.

Anna In The After Life #13: Crazed Fanny

by
Charles McCarthy

As they entered the house the sound of a loud crash came from the kitchen followed by several more loud crashes, then a naked blonde woman with the body of a circus performer ran out of the kitchen holding a knife above her head and screaming at the top of her lungs.

"I'll fucking kill you CHARLIE!"

She rushed at Charlie Sheen with the knife, ready to inflict her inner pain and anger on him through its sharp blade.

Everyone was frozen, everyone except Anna. She quickly jumped at the woman and with her supernatural sexual energy sent her flying backward to the floor shaking with the power of an orgasm that could have been measured on the Richter Scale, and left the woman moaning in a puddle of her own woman juices. The knife slid across the Spanish tile floor, back into the kitchen.

"Woah! This is some crazy shit!" Charlie exclaimed, "Who the hell are you?"

Margaret and Jack stood by dumbfounded as the woman on the floor floundered to get up.

"I'm your biggest fan," she replied sheepishly, looking around in confusion.

Anna quickly took control of her and made her move slowly towards Charlie and Margaret. At the same time Jack started to run his ghostly digits over Margaret's body to sooth her and get her back into the mood.

"What's your name?" Charlie asked, not able to ignore the woman's rippling muscles and perfect breasts and ass.

"Harley," her deep sultry voice purred.

Harley reached out and touched his chest, and now that she, Charlie, and Margaret were so close together, Anna could control all of them an play them like an orgastic organ or ecstasy, with Jack there to pump her bellows. Their bodies quickly intertwined and were lost in one giant mass of flesh and ghostly passion.

The orgy that spanned the corporeal and ghostly planes lasted for hours. Fluids and energies were exchanged. Ecstasy was maintained. Anna's power was tested and trained. They were all drained and lay in a puddle of their own sweat, pool water, and man, woman, and ectoplasmic residue.

Anna lay on her back looking up at the ceiling.

"Hey! I'm supposed to be finding my killer, not havin sex orgies." she exclaimed.

Jack looked over at her, barely able to move or speak, "There's plenty...something...Oh you know."

"Dang Jack! You can't even talk all silly!" she giggled, "I guess you're right though. I have time."

Charlie Sheen sat up, looked over at Margaret and Harley, and with a glimmer in his eye pontificated, "Now those were some 'Hot Shots.' Eh? Eh?"

They all laughed.

Charlie glanced up at the clock.

"Oh crapola! I have to be at E! in half an hour!" he exclaimed, jumping up and rushing off to get dressed.

"E! That's were we was goin! This is gonna work out just fine," she said joyfully to Jack.

"Daddio. I think I'm going to go to stay to go to stay here in this sweet pad for a while."

"Suit yourself," Anna giggled and pointed to Margaret and Harley fondling each other's hot bodies on the cool Spanish tile, "I don't think they are going anywhere soon."

"Are you girls going to be here when I get back?" Charlie asked, as he rushed through the living room towards the front door, still buttoning his shirt.

"Oh yeah Charlie," they chimed simultaneously.

"Nice," Charlie responded as he walked out the door with Anna at his heels.

Anna In The After Life #14: Rivers of Ecstasy

by
Charles McCarthy

Anna frolicked into Charlie Sheen's black BMW. She giggled when she saw that he had fuzzy dice hanging from his rearview mirror. They reminded her of the first time that she had felt a man's flesh sword in the back of her uncle's Firebird.

Charlie pulled out of the driveway and tore off down the street like a mad man. It reminded Anna of her favorite Charlie Sheen movie, "The Chase." She remembered the movie and how he and Christy Swanson had made beautiful love while he drove. Even though Anna had just spent the last three hours in a soup of human and ghostly orgasmic stew, she was now getting that tingling feeling again, as she wondered if Charlie's stick shift could be put in drive one more time that afternoon.

Anna climbed over and straddled him and looked into his eyes as they grew large with confused pleasure, as he looked down to his young gun, seeing it being cocked in his pants.

Anna's powers had grown. She was now so powerful that she could manipulate the human world with her erotic thoughts. She undid his pants and pulled out his young gun and began to gently polish it with her lady zone, as Charlie tried to keep his focus on the road.

"There is something going on around here today," he said out loud to himself.

"Dang, that's right," Anna groaned as she slid his young gun into her soft, wet, woman holster.

The car "ride" was just as much fun as she imagined it would be, and even though there were a couple of close calls with some city buses and an old fat lady in a Rascal, they were both completely satisfied by the time they pulled into the E! studio parking lot.

Charlie jumped out of his car and ran into one of the buildings, zipping up his pants as he ran, leaving Anna looking around the parking lot from building to building.

"Wonder where Joan Rivers is? Oh well, I'll just start walkin around," Anna pondered, as she stood in her naked ghostly splendor looking around the parking lot.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Joan Rivers appeared behind her.

Anna In The After Life #15: Two Rivers of Ecstasy

by
Charles McCarthy

"Hey," Anna spouted, "you're who I'm lookin for!"

Joan Rivers started to laugh at the top of her lungs, stretching her face to a near breaking point.

"Darling! Who isn't looking for me?" Rivers responded.

"I need your help findin my killer," Anna pleaded.

Rivers laughed again, but finally responded, "Follow me."

Joan Rivers started to walk across the parking lot towards the back of one of the large buildings, and Anna Followed her excitedly.

They walked around the corner of the building to find a small geodesic domed building painted a bright red. All over the building strange symbols were painted, and a lulling hum seemed to emanate from deep inside. As they grew closer, Anna could make out slender spires rising from each intersection of the dome's multifaceted surface.

"What's that?" she asked in wonder.

"You'll see," Rivers responded theatrically, ducking into the small igloo-like entrance to the dome. "Soon all of America will see!"

Anna followed her hesitantly, and was surprised by what she found inside the dome.

Inside the dome was a seemingly impossible floating ball made up of a rotating set of concentric rings similar to something found in either one of the terrible movies, "Contact" or "Tomb Raider." The humming sound was coming from the rings as they rotated, each in a different direction. Standing close to the ball with her back to them was Melissa Rivers. She was holding out her hands as if holding up the ball.

Without turning around Melissa asked, "Did you bring her?"

"Oh yes! It was much easier than I thought it would be too...What are you wearing?"

Melissa was wearing an outfit that had fallen out of style in Milan the day before.

"It's hideous," Joan continued.

"Will you forget about my outfit for one moment mother?" Melissa pleaded. "We don't have much time."

Anna watched this entire exchange and tried to take the whole scene in with her mouth open.

"What are you doin?" she finally asked.

"We are going to make you famous all over again," Joan explained as she walked over to a small video camera that sat in the shadows on a table. "You see Anna, I can see you, but my daughter, and all of our viewers can't. Soon, we will changed that."

"But, I need to be findin my killer."

Melissa turned from the globe and stared right at Anna.

"Mom! Mom! It's working!"

"Can you see her?" Joan asked expectantly. "I hope this works. If it does, it's bye, bye
E!, and hello network prime-time specials!" She raised the camera and pointed it at Anna.

"What? I need to find my killer. Can you help me or not?" Anna pleaded.

"Darling, darling, who cares?" Joan replied callously. "No one really wants to know who killed you or if you were even killed. That would take all the excitement out of it. No one wants to read Nancy Drew when they can play Clue forever doll! And it's all about ratings, ratings, ratings. Who killed you? Was it Colonel Howard Stern in the broom closet with elicit drugs? Was it your mother in the Library with a cake? Everyone, EVERYONE wants to know. It's titillating, and the longer we don't know, the longer the public will tune it at the very mention of your name, and now this! Now this! Oh! I smell a reality show! I can see it now, 'Follow Anna Nicole Smith's ghost as she searches for her killer,' but kid, as soon as you find your killer the series is over." She finished and stood panting.

"Dang, what the heck are you talkin about?"

"We're talking about syndication, sponsorship, and money, money, money," Melissa threw in.

Anna started to back towards the door, but it was now shut. As she came to this realization, Joan moved between her and the door, so Anna ran to the side, figuring she could just jump through the wall of the structure. She turned, leapt, and slammed face first into the wall.

"We won't take no for an answer," Joan announced.

"Neither will this magic Incan sweat lodge," Melissa explained, "so you might as well just give us the interview and play ball."

"I ain't never played ball. I don't know how. I used to play dress up," Anna replied, dazed and confused.

At this, Joan and Melissa both rushed towards her. They chanted strange guttural words, noises really, as they came.

Anna braced for their attack, building up a huge ball of energy in her woman spot, so when they touched her, they both fell to the ground writhing in ecstasy.

"Ahhhhh! What happened?"

"Ohhhh I can feel my vagina for the first time in years!" Joan moaned with delight and anger. "What did you do? You still can't leave!"

Anna looked at them, trying to decide what to do. She turned and felt the wall again. It was still solid for her. Then she went over to the door, and tried to open it, but it had an electronic combination lock that could only be opened with a code typed into the telephone-like keypad. So, Anna turned back to the mother and daughter.

"Let me out of here!" she shouted. "What's the code?"

"Babe, you are going to have to kill us to get out of here," Joan answered defiantly.

"Yeah!" Melissa threw in.

"I won't kill you, but you can't say no to me forever...at least I don't think," she said walking over and kneeling down next to Joan. "I bet I can get you to talk by..TICKLING YOU!"

Anna reached out and realized that the walls weren't the only thing in the room that had become substantial to her. Her fingers met Joan's boney ribs and the sensations of the corporeal world rushed back to her, no longer just memories. She could feel the wrinkly bones under her finger tips, through Joan River's silk blouse, as she started to tickle her, sending waves of her sexual energy down into her at the same time.

Melissa tried to get up, but Anna quickly and expertly sent her hand up the younger fashonista's skirt. Her fingers masterfully navigated around the thong underwear put in place to stop them, and found their way into Melissa's moist, middle-aged, Pastrami taco, sending a shiver that could only only be matched in intensity by a taser gun. Her fabulous Jr. Rivers juices flowed and trickled down over Anna's hand.

"Oh GOD! This is A-LIST-MAZING!" Melissa cried out.

"Shut up! You twerp!" Joan shouted through her laughter. "If you start enjoying yourself, she wins!"

"Ahhhhh! Ohhhhh! It's too late for that, " Melissa exploded as if she was auditioning for an Herbal Essences commercial, ripping off her shirt and her bra in one fluid movement.

"Don't!" Joan shouted.

"You shut up!" Anna giggled, taking her hand from Joan's ribs and ripping off her skirt. to reveal a pair of Depends adult diapers...

Eventually, after several hours, they succumbed and Anna was able to escape from the Rivers' magic hut no worse for the wear.

"Dang, I forgot how smooth a woman's fist could be," she mumbled to herself as she tried to find her way back to Charlie Sheen's car.

It wasn't there, but she spotted a vehicle that she did recognize.

Anna In The After Life #16: My Hot Dog Has A First Name

by
Charles McCarthy

There in the parking lot was the Oscar Mayer wiener mobile in all it phallic splendor. To look at it made Anna slightly excited, a little uncomfortable, and definitely hungry. It's shiny bulbous tip arching up into the heavens made Anna quiver with wonder and delight.

"I wonder what's goin on here?" she said to herself, as she walked towards the cylindrical vehicle.

There were two Oscar Mayer promotions workers in red polo shirts handing out hot dogs and weenie whistles to anyone and everyone that walked by, but Anna wasn't interested in those weenies. She was, however, very intrigued to find out about the wiener in one of the workers pants, a short blonde, kind of nerdy looking guy. She could see it trying to get out of it's khaki wrapping.

"No!" Anna chastised herself. "I have to find my killer."

She got closer, and the wiener in his pants grew larger.

"Hey, I do need some man energy to be able to fly. I should be goin back to the FLA to the scene of the crime, as I said in one of my movies, I think."

The wiener mobile boy went into the vehicle for some more franks, and Anna grabbed her chance, frolicking into the giant wiener after his wiener. She was in luck because she caught him going into the bathroom on board. She sank through the door right after he shut it.

Inside the cramped bathroom, Anna found that she was even luckier than she thought initially. The wiener boy hadn't just come into the bathroom to relieve himself, he had come to "relieve" himself. Anna stopped in her tracks as she found him furiously shucking his foot-long sausage.

"Dang! He's really going at it," Anna announced to no one in particular.

She quickly stepped in, or rather kneeled in, in a way that would have been impossible had she not been able to melt through the wall, and she started to kiss and suck on his tasty man-frank, savoring the taste.

He quickly dropped his hand away from it, and stood, not understanding what was going on, with a dumb look on his face, letting Anna practice her art. She slid over his corporeal-corn-of-sausage-copia with her ghostly lips and tongue. He started to relax, accepting, not understanding, but accepting his fate to receive pleasure from an invisible and unknown source.

Anna stood up and guided his "smoked" sausage into her neather-woman depths. Half of her body was in the bathroom while the other half stuck through the wall. She giggled, thinking about what a sight this would be. And as she felt the wiener boy's probing begin to grow more vigorous, she giggled even more, noticing a naked, middle aged man with a mustache sitting in one of the captain chairs of the wiener mobile.

"Dang, I didn't see you there," she exclaimed through small moans of pleasure.

"I have seen many a thing on this wiener mobile, but this has to be, by far, the most interesting," the man extolled. With a laugh he continued, "I guess this would be a good time for me to start rolling over in my grave."

Anna let out a loud moan of pleasure, "Who are you?"

"I'm Oscar, Oscar Mayer."

"Dang, that's the name of these here hot dogs," she giggled.

He stood up to reveal the fact that he wasn't just the former president, but also a member of the big long sausage club.

"I founded the company. I am the original wiener man," he explained as Anna's eyes grew large, watching his sausage being stuffed, growing longer and harder.

"I'll say!" she exclaimed. "You have a huge..."

Anna was cut off as Oscar Mayer walked over to her and stuffed his hard sausage down her throat.

"I have always had a passion for feeding people," he said with a smile, thrusting his sausage in and out of Anna's accepting mouth.

She tried to gurgle an answer but nothing comprehendible came out with her ghostly spittle. Anna was being double stuffed by the best, and enjoying every moment of it.

"My, but you are good at this," Oscar remarked with a smile. "Would you like me to sing a song for you?" He looked down at her. "Of course you would." He started to sing, "Oh, I love to be an Oscar Mayer wiener. That is what I truly like to be. 'Cause I'm a big Oscar Mayer wiener, everyone's mouth is in love with me."

Anna tried to giggle, but more gurgling sounds were all she got out.

"You like that eh?" Oscar asked, removing his wiener from her mouth.

Anna wiped her mouth with her hand and replied, "Yeah. You're funny."

At this moment Anna felt the fruition of her work on the wiener boy, and her inner phantasmic caverns of pleasure were filled with his man energy. When she felt him stop shuddering, she slid all they way through the wall and took the focus of her energy away from the wiener boy and put it on the wiener man.

They went at it for hours, their ghostly forms mingling and intertwining in the throws of hereafter pleasure. She rode his "Wiener Mobile," as he liked to call it, for hours. They finally fell apart with sighs of ecstasy.

"If I was still alive, I would rename my bologna Anna," he said smiling.

"Yur sweet."

"You are," he said, nibbling on her shoulder.

"Okay...Damn it! I keep gettin distracted."

"What? From what? We are dead," he questioned.

"I'm tryin to find my killer," she explained. "It's real important."

"Oh, well what are you doing to try to find them?"

"I'm headin back to the scene of the crime, Florida."

"Florida has been the scene of many crimes, the biggest of which would have to be the defrauding of the American voter," he replied.

"Wha?"

"Never-mind that. It just so happens that this majestic meat mobile is headed straight to Florida right now, and I will be happy to help you with your search. Maybe if you tell me the facts, I can help you. I used to be quite the amateur sleuth back in my day, and I have read all the Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys, and Sherlock Holms stories. In fact, I used the scientific method to determine the exact perfect size for my wieners," he said laughing. "At first my brother and I were modeling our wieners after our "wieners," but as you know, that is much more than a mouthful and most people found the experience of eating one, shall we say, laborious."

"Not me."

Oscar laughed, "I could tell, but what do you say? Will you ride with me to Florida and accept my assistance?"

Anna looked him up and down, and trying to put on a serious face, she responded, "Yep, yep I will."

"Ahh, good, we can start by you telling me everything you remember leading up to your death, and everything you know, or have found out about it since."

"Uhhh, well, that's one problem. I don't remember much about what lead up to my death," she explained, embarrassed.

"That's alright. Just tell me what you do remember."

"Well, I was dressing up like a clown every day..."

The wiener mobile caretakers started to pack up as Anna continued to try to piece together her past for Oscar.

Anna In The After Life #17: Fast Food Transportation

by
Charles McCarthy

The wiener mobile slipped across the majestic planes of what used to be called the "Great American Desert," casting its unique and ever fluctuating shadow over widely dispersed mail boxes, fence posts, and the occasional lucky "red state" hick. Bugs collected on the windshield like people trickling into a meeting that they didn't want to attend. The gas gauge slowly sank as the tank emptied to fuel the sound of the mobile's humming engine.

Anna lay on the floor looking at the ceiling and trying to remember more possibly important details of her last days. All she could think about though was Oscar's giant wiener, and the tiny spider that was crawling across the ceiling.

For the last couple of days he had been grilling her for information, and feeding her his wiener whenever she was able to remember another possibly important detail. The two wiener mobile workers had not been left out of the process. Andy, the wiener boy, and his wiener partner Tristan had received their fair share of "grilling" along the way.
In fact, after one night when Tristan found herself the object of everyone's affection, they had to take her to the hospital.

"Did I tell you that I was dressing up like a clown?"

Oscar looked down at her from his captains chair and replied, "Yes. It was the first thing you told me."

"Oh. Well, I think that's important," she giggled, sitting up.

"Oh you do, do you? Hmmmm, maybe it is," Oscar pondered, "Maybe it is."

As he said this, the Andy guided the wiener mobile into what was touted by the giant sign above it, the largest truck stop in the world. He slowly pulled the wiener up to a pump and hopped out to begin filling the tank. Sarah got out too and headed for the gift shop to buy a dream catcher.

"Dang, we ain't gettin nowhere."

"Tut, tut. You mustn't give up so easily. We are getting somewhere. We are getting to Florida. Once we are there, you will probably remember many more things, and we can possibly find more evidence." Oscar chastised lovingly, "Let's go have some fun."

With this, he hopped out of the wiener mobile, went around to the engine, and did something to it to make it not work. Anna followed. After Oscar was done with the engine, they headed for the trucker showers.

Anna In The After Life #18: All Along The Watch Tassle

by
Charles McCarthy

The days passed and Oscar seemed very pleased with the things that Anna had been able to remember about her last days. She had been able to remember quite a few things and Oscar was very good at jogging her memory and her mamaries.

The wiener mobile was cruising through Texas now and the planes and plateaus of her early life brought back floods of memories. They were heading for Laredo.

When they arrived in Laredo there were many Mexican people protesting immigration laws.

Oscar looked out over the crowd and shook his head.

"This is so sad, and stupid." he said, "It is always like this though, but I just don't see the point in this. It's as if the leaders in this country don't even remember their own lives, much less history."

"Uhhhh, whatdu you mean Oscar?" Anna asked with perplexed look on her face.

"They want to build a wall. Don't they remember the Berlin wall? Don't they remember how well that worked? And here and in in Mexico we are talking about populations easily five times larger than in Berlin with family and friends on either side. How do they think that this is going to work. The only thing a wall does is make people want to climb it, hate it, and break it down." he declared.

"Dang!"

"Dang is right Anna. Dang is right. Stupidity and ignorance are things that will never leave the earth, but to see such stupidity and ignorance in the leaders of one of the most powerful countries on earth is a shame."

"It's too bad you're not still alive." Anna encouraged.

"It is too bad that many of the leaders of the world are not still alive. It is too bad that we ghosts can't do much to influence the world of the living."

"I can." she whined.

"Yes, but most of us can not."

"After I find my killer, I'm going to go to Washington and change the world!" she declared.

Oscar looked at her, "I don't know if one person can do that." he said in a sad voice.

"I have three 'True Hollywood Stories' about me. I can do anything I want."

Oscar looked out the window and then back to her. He smiled and reached for her hand, before answering, "I hope you can."

Anna In The After Life #19: The Smell Of Orlando

by
Charles McCarthy

"So you think we should have universal health care? Won't that be hard? I mean the universe is such a big place." Anna asked Oscar, as the wiener mobile cruised down the road towards Orlando.

"Anna, universal just means that it is for everyone, and yes. Doesn't everyone get sick? Doesn't everyone get old? If you see someone hurt and in pain, don't you want to reach out to help them? Should there be companies that make billions of dollars a year by not helping people?" Oscar proclaimed.

"I just don't know."

The wiener mobile pulled into a strip mall, and the wiener boy and wiener girl got out and began to set up for another event. Throngs of mulleted men and women in jean shorts began to huddle around the phallic shape of the wiener mobile.

Anna looked out over the crowd from the door of the mobile. She saw men, women, and children flocking for a free hot dog. She saw overweight, yet malnourished blank stares. She saw America.

Oscar stepped up behind her and whispered in her ear, "Do you want a free hot dog?"

She could feel him already giving her one before she could respond. Anna bent over and was filled with Oscars meaty goodness. He almost made her forget everything he had been teaching her as they drove. He almost made her wonder where she was as he pumped in and out of her stuffing her with his man-sausage.

She poured all her emotions of anger, sadness, and pain into what was turning into violent love making, and when she finally came to the end of the yellow brick road of pleasure and skipped into the Emerald City of Orgasm, she didn't need any rose colored glasses. Her orgasm shook the wiener mobile and blew the hot dogs out of peoples' hands.

"Dang! That was good."

Oscar replied, "Yes," as he fell down, shooting his man magic into the air.

Anna went to him.

"Do you think we're gonna find my killer?" she asked, as a tear rolled down her cheek.

"I have narrowed it down to one of three people."

"Who?" she asked expectantly, but before Oscar could answer a man appeared at the door of the wiener mobile.

Before they could say anything, he began to speak, "Hello, I'm Walt Disney."

Oscar glared at him.

"Anna I love Disneyland!"

"Anna, you don't want to have anything to do with this hate monger." Oscar growled, "He hates Jewish people and black people and everyone that isn't white.

"That's just not true. I hate Jewish food, and I don't like black music, but other than that, there is no truth to your statement my good sir."

"Well, what do you want anyway?" Oscar said with a little less ire in his voice.

"I heard that you were here," he said, pointing at Anna, "and I wanted to meet you for myself. I have heard many tales about you."


"Tales about me? Did you see my 'True Hollywood Stories'?" she asked.

"Yes, who didn't? I have also heard about your great power." he replied in a matter of fact way.

"Yeah? Dang, I didn't know I was so famous, at least not with dead people."

"Oh yes. The tales of your tale are growing and spreading through the ghost community. As soon as they figure out how to revive my frozen body, I am going to make a series of cartoon movies about your quest." he responded.

"Well I still ain't found my killer."

"May I offer you my assistance?" he asked bowing in front of her.

"We don't need your help." Oscar snapped quickly.

"Hey, this is my quest." Anna whined. "Maybe he can help us."

"Fine." Oscar grumbled.

"So who are you thinking are gonna be my killers? You was just about to tell me." Anna asked.

Anna In The After Life #20: God... Damn It!

by
Charles McCarthy

Oscar looked Anna in they eye and began to speak, "The way I see it, there are only three people that could have killed you. It was either your boyfriend Larry, your boyfriend and lawyer Howard, or... God."

"GAWD?" Anna exclaimed, "You think GAWD killed me? That's just crazy."

As she said this, the ground began to shake and Walt Disney sunk into a crack in the earth, back to the depths of hell. A bright light filled the sky and a voice boomed from everywhere. "Anna, I did kill you."

"Gawd? Dang! You killed me?"

"Yes!" God's voice boomed, "I killed you."

Anna and Oscar looked around. Then suddenly the light went away and George Burns was sitting in one of the wiener mobile's empty captain chairs.

"Gawd?" Anna looked at him and asked with a puzzled look on her face.

"Yes Anna."

"I thought them was just movies."

"They were, but I thought this would make things easier for you." he answered.

"This is amazing." Oscar barked.

"That was quite a bit of detective work on your part Oscar. I myself don't really know how you deduced from blow jobs and her memories of dressing like a clown that I was Anna's killer." God said with genuine amazement.

"Well, I was really just saying that maybe no one killed her, and that it was either an accident or something out of any one person's hands." Oscar admitted.

"Oh... Well, I guess maybe I jumped the gun by coming down here and also by banishing Walt to the pits of hell. Oh well." God pondered.

"Wait, but you did kill me? On purposeful?" Anna asked, shocked.

God looked around the wiener mobile, trying to avoid her glare. He finally looked back at her, basking in her large beautiful woman jugs before he answered, "Yes."

"How? Why?"

God stood up and began to pace.

"Tell me." Anna pleaded.

"Well," God made a gesture with his hand and they were all transported to a dirty redneck bar. Time is frozen, "this is The Junction in Blacksheer Georgia before you died. That is Mack." he pointed at a tall, gangly, young, white man with giant curly hair.

Anna Walked up to Mack and looked at him.

"He killed me? Who's he?"

God replied, "Kinda. You see Mack has a code. He won't give out more than one stick of gum to other people in a social situation, but that night I stepped in. Watch."

Time starts and two skanky redneck girls walk up to Mack. One of them asks, "Hey sugar, you got any gum?"

"Yeah." Mack replied and took out some gum and gave her a piece.

"Can I have a piece?" the other skank asked, pushing her breasts towards him.

Mack hesitated for a moment. He opened his mouth to speak, but then just handed her a piece of gum, and Time froze again.

"That is what killed you." God stated.

Anna looked at him like he was crazy.

"That's what killed you." God said again.

"What they hell are you talkin about?"

Oscar chimed in, "Yes, I have to agree. What?"

God snapped his fingers and the scene at the bar fast forwarded till the second skanky redneck girl was leaning in to kiss a truck driver.

"That is Tammy, and that is Rusty." God said pointing them out, "Without the gum that Mack gave her earlier Tammy's breath would have been so bad that even a drunken Rusty wouldn't have kissed her, but Mack did give her the gum, and Rusty did kiss her and did take her home." he snapped his fingers again and the scene fast forwarded to Rusty's trailer.

"Dang!" Tammy exclaimed as she orgasmed.

God pointed at Tammy, "She kept Rusty up all night, gave him a bad case of crabs, and got him fired."

God snapped his fingers again and the scene fast forwarded to Rusty's boss shouting, "Yur four hours late! I don't care what kind of tail you was pullin last night! Yur Fired!"

"Rusty was the driver of the delivery truck that delivers Red Bull energy drink to central Florida. Because he was late and fired, a replacement driver took over his route, and subsequently got lost." he stated snapping his fingers again and fast forwarding to a man getting eaten by an alligator, "That was Tim Risillando. I wanted him dead too. I like to multi-task."

Anna stood shocked watching the alligator chomp down on Tim's head.

"Do you remember going to the store to buy Red Bull the day you died?" God asked.

"Yeah! There wasn't none! You did that?" she exclaimed.

"This is craziness!" Oscar shouted.

"Pipe down Oscar. I work in mysterious ways. You should know that by now." God said with an air of ambivalence.

"Wait. So not havin Red Bull killed me?" Anna said slowly with a question mark stamped on her brow.

God snapped his fingers and the scene fast forwarded to Anna, pool-side at her house.

"What did you do when you didn't have Red Bull to mix your drink with?" God asked, leading her.

"Uhhhh... I don't remember. Dang." Anna admitted.

God stood there looking at her.

"Come on. What did she do?" Oscar asked, getting frustrated.

God snapped his fingers, and the scene unfolded.

Anna walked over to a table with some liquor bottles on it. She poured some Mr. Boston's Vodka into a glass and giggled, "I love drinks."

She picked up an empty can of Red Bull and tried to pour it into her glass. There was nothing there. She looked around sadly, but cheered up when she looked at the pool.

She walked over to the pool and stooped down. She cupped her hand and splashed some pool water into her glass. She stood up, put a straw in the glass, and took a sip.

God snapped his fingers again and time froze.

"There! That's it. That's what killed you."

"What?" Anna and Oscar questioned simultaneously.

God laughed and began to explain, "Have you ever heard of the straw that broke the camels back? Well, that was the straw that broke your back. Your body was so full of drugs and toxins that it only took a little push to throw you into a coma and kill you. You see, the chlorine in your pool water reacted with the alcohol in your vodka and produced chloral hydrate, a small amount, but on top of everything else, enough to kill you."

"Dang! That's complicated!" Anna yelped, still trying to digest what she had just heard, "But WHY?"

"I needed you. I need you Anna. I need your help, and you have more power dead than alive." God answered.

"I don't know. I had three 'True Hollywood Stories.'"

"Just trust me."

"Okay, I guess you are Gawd." she admitted.

Oscar looked from one to another of them, before asking, "What now?"

"This." God in the form of George Burns walked over to Anna and ran his hands over her giant woman orbs of power.

"Okay." Oscar said moving to Anna and kissing her neck.

Oscar quickly buried his sausage in her muddy ghost nether sheath as God continued to please her lady pieces with his fingers and suckle at her woman orbs, quickly bringing Anna to an earth shattering orgasm. Giant chasms opened in the earth and many of the wretched Orlandonites fell to their deaths.

Anna, Oscar, and God began to float off the ground, and the wiener mobile exploded around them like a balloon.

God guided Anna and Oscar into a sixty-nine position and grabbed Anna's hair taking the reins of the flesh chariot that they created. He thrust his large fleshy bishop deep into Anna's waiting angel pocket.

Anna let out a groan of ecstasy as she was stretched to her breaking point, and God began to fill her with his light.

She exploded with a transcendental apocalyptic orgasm that sent another giant shock wave across Orlando and rained fired down on the town. The earth shook and a hole opened in the earth, swallowing Orlando with one gulp.

"DAAAAANG!" Anna shouted at the top of her lungs.

God took her and Oscar's hands and they flew away from the blemished earth of central Florida like Wendy, Peter Pan, and John.

"We destroyed Orlando." Anna said looking back.

"I told you I needed your help." God said.

"Where to now?" Oscar asked.

"I think you know."

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Anna In The After Life #20: God... Damn It!

by
Charles McCarthy

Oscar looked Anna in they eye and began to speak, "The way I see it, there are only three people that could have killed you. It was either your boyfriend Larry, your boyfriend and lawyer Howard, or... God."

"GAWD?" Anna exclaimed, "You think GAWD killed me? That's just crazy."

As she said this, the ground began to shake and Walt Disney sunk into a crack in the earth, back to the depths of hell. A bright light filled the sky and a voice boomed from everywhere. "Anna, I did kill you."

"Gawd? Dang! You killed me?"

"Yes!" God's voice boomed, "I killed you."

Anna and Oscar looked around. Then suddenly the light went away and George Burns was sitting in one of the wiener mobile's empty captain chairs.

"Gawd?" Anna looked at him and asked with a puzzled look on her face.

"Yes Anna."

"I thought them was just movies."

"They were, but I thought this would make things easier for you." he answered.

"This is amazing." Oscar barked.

"That was quite a bit of detective work on your part Oscar. I myself don't really know how you deduced from blow jobs and her memories of dressing like a clown that I was Anna's killer." God said with genuine amazement.

"Well, I was really just saying that maybe no one killed her, and that it was either an accident or something out of any one person's hands." Oscar admitted.

"Oh... Well, I guess maybe I jumped the gun by coming down here and also by banishing Walt to the pits of hell. Oh well." God pondered.

"Wait, but you did kill me? On purposeful?" Anna asked, shocked.

God looked around the wiener mobile, trying to avoid her glare. He finally looked back at her, basking in her large beautiful woman jugs before he answered, "Yes."

"How? Why?"

God stood up and began to pace.

"Tell me." Anna pleaded.

"Well," God made a gesture with his hand and they were all transported to a dirty redneck bar. Time is frozen, "this is The Junction in Blacksheer Georgia before you died. That is Mack." he pointed at a tall, gangly, young, white man with giant curly hair.

Anna Walked up to Mack and looked at him.

"He killed me? Who's he?"

God replied, "Kinda. You see Mack has a code. He won't give out more than one stick of gum to other people in a social situation, but that night I stepped in. Watch."

Time starts and two skanky redneck girls walk up to Mack. One of them asks, "Hey sugar, you got any gum?"

"Yeah." Mack replied and took out some gum and gave her a piece.

"Can I have a piece?" the other skank asked, pushing her breasts towards him.

Mack hesitated for a moment. He opened his mouth to speak, but then just handed her a piece of gum, and Time froze again.

"That is what killed you." God stated.

Anna looked at him like he was crazy.

"That's what killed you." God said again.

"What they hell are you talkin about?"

Oscar chimed in, "Yes, I have to agree. What?"

God snapped his fingers and the scene at the bar fast forwarded till the second skanky redneck girl was leaning in to kiss a truck driver.

"That is Tammy, and that is Rusty." God said pointing them out, "Without the gum that Mack gave her earlier Tammy's breath would have been so bad that even a drunken Rusty wouldn't have kissed her, but Mack did give her the gum, and Rusty did kiss her and did take her home." he snapped his fingers again and the scene fast forwarded to Rusty's trailer.

"Dang!" Tammy exclaimed as she orgasmed.

God pointed at Tammy, "She kept Rusty up all night, gave him a bad case of crabs, and got him fired."

God snapped his fingers again and the scene fast forwarded to Rusty's boss shouting, "Yur four hours late! I don't care what kind of tail you was pullin last night! Yur Fired!"

"Rusty was the driver of the delivery truck that delivers Red Bull energy drink to central Florida. Because he was late and fired, a replacement driver took over his route, and subsequently got lost." he stated snapping his fingers again and fast forwarding to a man getting eaten by an alligator, "That was Tim Risillando. I wanted him dead too. I like to multi-task."

Anna stood shocked watching the alligator chomp down on Tim's head.

"Do you remember going to the store to buy Red Bull the day you died?" God asked.

"Yeah! There wasn't none! You did that?" she exclaimed.

"This is craziness!" Oscar shouted.

"Pipe down Oscar. I work in mysterious ways. You should know that by now." God said with an air of ambivalence.

"Wait. So not havin Red Bull killed me?" Anna said slowly with a question mark stamped on her brow.

God snapped his fingers and the scene fast forwarded to Anna, pool-side at her house.

"What did you do when you didn't have Red Bull to mix your drink with?" God asked, leading her.

"Uhhhh... I don't remember. Dang." Anna admitted.

God stood there looking at her.

"Come on. What did she do?" Oscar asked, getting frustrated.

God snapped his fingers, and the scene unfolded.

Anna walked over to a table with some liquor bottles on it. She poured some Mr. Boston's Vodka into a glass and giggled, "I love drinks."

She picked up an empty can of Red Bull and tried to pour it into her glass. There was nothing there. She looked around sadly, but cheered up when she looked at the pool.

She walked over to the pool and stooped down. She cupped her hand and splashed some pool water into her glass. She stood up, put a straw in the glass, and took a sip.

God snapped his fingers again and time froze.

"There! That's it. That's what killed you."

"What?" Anna and Oscar questioned simultaneously.

God laughed and began to explain, "Have you ever heard of the straw that broke the camels back? Well, that was the straw that broke your back. Your body was so full of drugs and toxins that it only took a little push to throw you into a coma and kill you. You see, the chlorine in your pool water reacted with the alcohol in your vodka and produced chloral hydrate, a small amount, but on top of everything else, enough to kill you."

"Dang! That's complicated!" Anna yelped, still trying to digest what she had just heard, "But WHY?"

"I needed you. I need you Anna. I need your help, and you have more power dead than alive." God answered.

"I don't know. I had three 'True Hollywood Stories.'"

"Just trust me."

"Okay, I guess you are Gawd." she admitted.

Oscar looked from one to another of them, before asking, "What now?"

"This." God in the form of George Burns walked over to Anna and ran his hands over her giant woman orbs of power.

"Okay." Oscar said moving to Anna and kissing her neck.

Oscar quickly buried his sausage in her muddy ghost nether sheath as God continued to please her lady pieces with his fingers and suckle at her woman orbs, quickly bringing Anna to an earth shattering orgasm. Giant chasms opened in the earth and many of the wretched Orlandonites fell to their deaths.

Anna, Oscar, and God began to float off the ground, and the wiener mobile exploded around them like a balloon.

God guided Anna and Oscar into a sixty-nine position and grabbed Anna's hair taking the reins of the flesh chariot that they created. He thrust his large fleshy bishop deep into Anna's waiting angel pocket.

Anna let out a groan of ecstasy as she was stretched to her breaking point, and God began to fill her with his light.

She exploded with a transcendental apocalyptic orgasm that sent another giant shock wave across Orlando and rained fired down on the town. The earth shook and a hole opened in the earth, swallowing Orlando with one gulp.

"DAAAAANG!" Anna shouted at the top of her lungs.

God took her and Oscar's hands and they flew away from the blemished earth of central Florida like Wendy, Peter Pan, and John.

"We destroyed Orlando." Anna said looking back.

"I told you I needed your help." God said.

"Where to now?" Oscar asked.

"I think you know."