Anna In The After Life #15: Two Rivers of Ecstasy

by
Charles McCarthy

"Hey," Anna spouted, "you're who I'm lookin for!"

Joan Rivers started to laugh at the top of her lungs, stretching her face to a near breaking point.

"Darling! Who isn't looking for me?" Rivers responded.

"I need your help findin my killer," Anna pleaded.

Rivers laughed again, but finally responded, "Follow me."

Joan Rivers started to walk across the parking lot towards the back of one of the large buildings, and Anna Followed her excitedly.

They walked around the corner of the building to find a small geodesic domed building painted a bright red. All over the building strange symbols were painted, and a lulling hum seemed to emanate from deep inside. As they grew closer, Anna could make out slender spires rising from each intersection of the dome's multifaceted surface.

"What's that?" she asked in wonder.

"You'll see," Rivers responded theatrically, ducking into the small igloo-like entrance to the dome. "Soon all of America will see!"

Anna followed her hesitantly, and was surprised by what she found inside the dome.

Inside the dome was a seemingly impossible floating ball made up of a rotating set of concentric rings similar to something found in either one of the terrible movies, "Contact" or "Tomb Raider." The humming sound was coming from the rings as they rotated, each in a different direction. Standing close to the ball with her back to them was Melissa Rivers. She was holding out her hands as if holding up the ball.

Without turning around Melissa asked, "Did you bring her?"

"Oh yes! It was much easier than I thought it would be too...What are you wearing?"

Melissa was wearing an outfit that had fallen out of style in Milan the day before.

"It's hideous," Joan continued.

"Will you forget about my outfit for one moment mother?" Melissa pleaded. "We don't have much time."

Anna watched this entire exchange and tried to take the whole scene in with her mouth open.

"What are you doin?" she finally asked.

"We are going to make you famous all over again," Joan explained as she walked over to a small video camera that sat in the shadows on a table. "You see Anna, I can see you, but my daughter, and all of our viewers can't. Soon, we will changed that."

"But, I need to be findin my killer."

Melissa turned from the globe and stared right at Anna.

"Mom! Mom! It's working!"

"Can you see her?" Joan asked expectantly. "I hope this works. If it does, it's bye, bye
E!, and hello network prime-time specials!" She raised the camera and pointed it at Anna.

"What? I need to find my killer. Can you help me or not?" Anna pleaded.

"Darling, darling, who cares?" Joan replied callously. "No one really wants to know who killed you or if you were even killed. That would take all the excitement out of it. No one wants to read Nancy Drew when they can play Clue forever doll! And it's all about ratings, ratings, ratings. Who killed you? Was it Colonel Howard Stern in the broom closet with elicit drugs? Was it your mother in the Library with a cake? Everyone, EVERYONE wants to know. It's titillating, and the longer we don't know, the longer the public will tune it at the very mention of your name, and now this! Now this! Oh! I smell a reality show! I can see it now, 'Follow Anna Nicole Smith's ghost as she searches for her killer,' but kid, as soon as you find your killer the series is over." She finished and stood panting.

"Dang, what the heck are you talkin about?"

"We're talking about syndication, sponsorship, and money, money, money," Melissa threw in.

Anna started to back towards the door, but it was now shut. As she came to this realization, Joan moved between her and the door, so Anna ran to the side, figuring she could just jump through the wall of the structure. She turned, leapt, and slammed face first into the wall.

"We won't take no for an answer," Joan announced.

"Neither will this magic Incan sweat lodge," Melissa explained, "so you might as well just give us the interview and play ball."

"I ain't never played ball. I don't know how. I used to play dress up," Anna replied, dazed and confused.

At this, Joan and Melissa both rushed towards her. They chanted strange guttural words, noises really, as they came.

Anna braced for their attack, building up a huge ball of energy in her woman spot, so when they touched her, they both fell to the ground writhing in ecstasy.

"Ahhhhh! What happened?"

"Ohhhh I can feel my vagina for the first time in years!" Joan moaned with delight and anger. "What did you do? You still can't leave!"

Anna looked at them, trying to decide what to do. She turned and felt the wall again. It was still solid for her. Then she went over to the door, and tried to open it, but it had an electronic combination lock that could only be opened with a code typed into the telephone-like keypad. So, Anna turned back to the mother and daughter.

"Let me out of here!" she shouted. "What's the code?"

"Babe, you are going to have to kill us to get out of here," Joan answered defiantly.

"Yeah!" Melissa threw in.

"I won't kill you, but you can't say no to me forever...at least I don't think," she said walking over and kneeling down next to Joan. "I bet I can get you to talk by..TICKLING YOU!"

Anna reached out and realized that the walls weren't the only thing in the room that had become substantial to her. Her fingers met Joan's boney ribs and the sensations of the corporeal world rushed back to her, no longer just memories. She could feel the wrinkly bones under her finger tips, through Joan River's silk blouse, as she started to tickle her, sending waves of her sexual energy down into her at the same time.

Melissa tried to get up, but Anna quickly and expertly sent her hand up the younger fashonista's skirt. Her fingers masterfully navigated around the thong underwear put in place to stop them, and found their way into Melissa's moist, middle-aged, Pastrami taco, sending a shiver that could only only be matched in intensity by a taser gun. Her fabulous Jr. Rivers juices flowed and trickled down over Anna's hand.

"Oh GOD! This is A-LIST-MAZING!" Melissa cried out.

"Shut up! You twerp!" Joan shouted through her laughter. "If you start enjoying yourself, she wins!"

"Ahhhhh! Ohhhhh! It's too late for that, " Melissa exploded as if she was auditioning for an Herbal Essences commercial, ripping off her shirt and her bra in one fluid movement.

"Don't!" Joan shouted.

"You shut up!" Anna giggled, taking her hand from Joan's ribs and ripping off her skirt. to reveal a pair of Depends adult diapers...

Eventually, after several hours, they succumbed and Anna was able to escape from the Rivers' magic hut no worse for the wear.

"Dang, I forgot how smooth a woman's fist could be," she mumbled to herself as she tried to find her way back to Charlie Sheen's car.

It wasn't there, but she spotted a vehicle that she did recognize.