Anna In The After Life #16: My Hot Dog Has A First Name

by
Charles McCarthy

There in the parking lot was the Oscar Mayer wiener mobile in all it phallic splendor. To look at it made Anna slightly excited, a little uncomfortable, and definitely hungry. It's shiny bulbous tip arching up into the heavens made Anna quiver with wonder and delight.

"I wonder what's goin on here?" she said to herself, as she walked towards the cylindrical vehicle.

There were two Oscar Mayer promotions workers in red polo shirts handing out hot dogs and weenie whistles to anyone and everyone that walked by, but Anna wasn't interested in those weenies. She was, however, very intrigued to find out about the wiener in one of the workers pants, a short blonde, kind of nerdy looking guy. She could see it trying to get out of it's khaki wrapping.

"No!" Anna chastised herself. "I have to find my killer."

She got closer, and the wiener in his pants grew larger.

"Hey, I do need some man energy to be able to fly. I should be goin back to the FLA to the scene of the crime, as I said in one of my movies, I think."

The wiener mobile boy went into the vehicle for some more franks, and Anna grabbed her chance, frolicking into the giant wiener after his wiener. She was in luck because she caught him going into the bathroom on board. She sank through the door right after he shut it.

Inside the cramped bathroom, Anna found that she was even luckier than she thought initially. The wiener boy hadn't just come into the bathroom to relieve himself, he had come to "relieve" himself. Anna stopped in her tracks as she found him furiously shucking his foot-long sausage.

"Dang! He's really going at it," Anna announced to no one in particular.

She quickly stepped in, or rather kneeled in, in a way that would have been impossible had she not been able to melt through the wall, and she started to kiss and suck on his tasty man-frank, savoring the taste.

He quickly dropped his hand away from it, and stood, not understanding what was going on, with a dumb look on his face, letting Anna practice her art. She slid over his corporeal-corn-of-sausage-copia with her ghostly lips and tongue. He started to relax, accepting, not understanding, but accepting his fate to receive pleasure from an invisible and unknown source.

Anna stood up and guided his "smoked" sausage into her neather-woman depths. Half of her body was in the bathroom while the other half stuck through the wall. She giggled, thinking about what a sight this would be. And as she felt the wiener boy's probing begin to grow more vigorous, she giggled even more, noticing a naked, middle aged man with a mustache sitting in one of the captain chairs of the wiener mobile.

"Dang, I didn't see you there," she exclaimed through small moans of pleasure.

"I have seen many a thing on this wiener mobile, but this has to be, by far, the most interesting," the man extolled. With a laugh he continued, "I guess this would be a good time for me to start rolling over in my grave."

Anna let out a loud moan of pleasure, "Who are you?"

"I'm Oscar, Oscar Mayer."

"Dang, that's the name of these here hot dogs," she giggled.

He stood up to reveal the fact that he wasn't just the former president, but also a member of the big long sausage club.

"I founded the company. I am the original wiener man," he explained as Anna's eyes grew large, watching his sausage being stuffed, growing longer and harder.

"I'll say!" she exclaimed. "You have a huge..."

Anna was cut off as Oscar Mayer walked over to her and stuffed his hard sausage down her throat.

"I have always had a passion for feeding people," he said with a smile, thrusting his sausage in and out of Anna's accepting mouth.

She tried to gurgle an answer but nothing comprehendible came out with her ghostly spittle. Anna was being double stuffed by the best, and enjoying every moment of it.

"My, but you are good at this," Oscar remarked with a smile. "Would you like me to sing a song for you?" He looked down at her. "Of course you would." He started to sing, "Oh, I love to be an Oscar Mayer wiener. That is what I truly like to be. 'Cause I'm a big Oscar Mayer wiener, everyone's mouth is in love with me."

Anna tried to giggle, but more gurgling sounds were all she got out.

"You like that eh?" Oscar asked, removing his wiener from her mouth.

Anna wiped her mouth with her hand and replied, "Yeah. You're funny."

At this moment Anna felt the fruition of her work on the wiener boy, and her inner phantasmic caverns of pleasure were filled with his man energy. When she felt him stop shuddering, she slid all they way through the wall and took the focus of her energy away from the wiener boy and put it on the wiener man.

They went at it for hours, their ghostly forms mingling and intertwining in the throws of hereafter pleasure. She rode his "Wiener Mobile," as he liked to call it, for hours. They finally fell apart with sighs of ecstasy.

"If I was still alive, I would rename my bologna Anna," he said smiling.

"Yur sweet."

"You are," he said, nibbling on her shoulder.

"Okay...Damn it! I keep gettin distracted."

"What? From what? We are dead," he questioned.

"I'm tryin to find my killer," she explained. "It's real important."

"Oh, well what are you doing to try to find them?"

"I'm headin back to the scene of the crime, Florida."

"Florida has been the scene of many crimes, the biggest of which would have to be the defrauding of the American voter," he replied.

"Wha?"

"Never-mind that. It just so happens that this majestic meat mobile is headed straight to Florida right now, and I will be happy to help you with your search. Maybe if you tell me the facts, I can help you. I used to be quite the amateur sleuth back in my day, and I have read all the Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys, and Sherlock Holms stories. In fact, I used the scientific method to determine the exact perfect size for my wieners," he said laughing. "At first my brother and I were modeling our wieners after our "wieners," but as you know, that is much more than a mouthful and most people found the experience of eating one, shall we say, laborious."

"Not me."

Oscar laughed, "I could tell, but what do you say? Will you ride with me to Florida and accept my assistance?"

Anna looked him up and down, and trying to put on a serious face, she responded, "Yep, yep I will."

"Ahh, good, we can start by you telling me everything you remember leading up to your death, and everything you know, or have found out about it since."

"Uhhh, well, that's one problem. I don't remember much about what lead up to my death," she explained, embarrassed.

"That's alright. Just tell me what you do remember."

"Well, I was dressing up like a clown every day..."

The wiener mobile caretakers started to pack up as Anna continued to try to piece together her past for Oscar.